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I remember at Z when he invited me to go out with his friend from Australia, I told him, “I’m easily persuaded but hard to please.” He responded, “I wouldn’t say so.” And I gave him a look 👀.

He glanced at Cielo, smiled at me playfully, and whispered, “Was that inappropriate?”

Dagitab

It’s not about letting go or moving on because they never really leave. They leave a void and you carry that void with you, always. It’s a matter of growing up; you just become a bigger person until that void doesn’t feel as big.

Familiar foreign bodies

“All love stories are frustration stories. As are all stories about parents and children, which are also love stories, in Freud's view, the formative love stories. To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn't know you had (of one's formative frustrations, and of one's attempted self-cures for them); you wanted someone, you felt deprived of something, and then it seems to be there. And what is renewed in that experience is an intensity of frustration, and an intensity of satisfaction. It is as if, oddly, you were waiting for someone but you didn't know who they were until they arrived. Whether or not you were aware that there was something missing in your life, you will be when you meet the person you want. What psychoanalysis will add to this love story is that the person you fall in love with really is the man or woman of your dreams; that you have dreamed them up before you met them; not out of nothing - nothing comes of nothing - but out of prior experience, both real and wished for. You recognize them with such certainty because you already, in a certain sense, know them, and because you have quite literally been expecting them, you feel as though you have known them for ever, and yet, at the same time, they are quite foreign to you. They are familiar foreign bodies. But one things is very noticeable in this basic story; that however much you have been wanting and hoping and dreaming of meeting the person of your dreams, it is only when you meet them that you will start missing them. It seems the presence of an object is required to make its absence felt.” 

― Adam Phillips

I keep on finding good shit on Spotify that only make me think of you.

Hey.

I wanna say stop hijacking every nice thing that comes to me, but we both know with you I can't be greedy.

* * *

Actually, false matter.

I have been so so greedy.

* * *

Didn't I say I conceded to unfortunate timing?

* * *

I still don't know what to do with you.

But you havta stop taking all my good music.

tita heidi (hot mess part 2)

"my mom asked about you this weekend."
"what did you say?"
"i said you were busy screwing a married man."
"you didn't. what did she say?"
"she said, 'it's that age, no?'"

- - -

"my mom worries about you. she said, 'watch after her. laurene forgets to feed herself.' she wants me to bring you food all the time."
"that's nice of her."
"yeah, she has so much time these days she worries about everyone. she even worries about my post-breakup best."
"is she worrying about MY post-breakup best too?"
"... no, that's too far out."

i should stop worrying about him too.

Hot Mess Part 1

"you probably came up with all your poor decisions from your daily commute to the south, no?"
"yeah, thats when i decided not to recycle this year"

"i bet thats also when you decided to get four chrises to get over the first one"

"ive only ever dated like guys with average intelligence, like just dont offend me before we get down to it"
"no, you dated JS, he's a debater, hes smart"
"hes smart but not an intellectual"
"there was the orthosurgeon"
"how about Intl Relations guy, hes smart too, just a slave to the IOM lol"
"oh yeah, he booty-called me last NYE, not VERY smart"

"andaming nanlalandi sa'yo, maghahatinggabi na"
"oras na nila, e. theyre all medicated and insomniacs."

2013, 2016

Tuesday reading: Carly Rae Jepsen's E•MO•TION and Over the Garden Wall, among other things

I don't think I'll find the time to watch some TED talks today. I did a couple of readings though and have a lot to share from the rest of my last long weekend. Links and snapshots on the jump.

On shots fired

Me: I'm so bored with my life. If you take away my job from me, what else do I have?
Jake: Well, maganda ka naman. You have that.
Me: Paano na lang 'yung mga hindi na nga maganda, wala pang trabaho 'no? Must suck.
Jake: Gusto mong pangalanan 'yan?

A tornado flew around my room before you came

Channel ORANGE‘s impact transcends the awards and critical acclaim. Let’s ignore the Grammy and gold RIAA certification. Let’s ignore the labels of “masterpiece” and “classic.” Let’s look at it for what it truly is—a man spilling his torn heart onto a record for the world to see and hear. There’s something in there that nearly everyone can relate to. The reason channel ORANGE is still played religiously three years later is thanks as much to its wide-reaching accessibility as to its outstanding sound. It’s one of those rare projects that will still be revered—and relevant—decades from now.

I’m not the same person I was three years ago, and I’m sure Frank isn’t either. As he gears up to tell yet another story sometime this month, I won’t be forgetting his debut effort. It’s the album that helped me cope with heartbreak, mature as a person, and view the world from a different perspective. Honestly, I don’t know how he’ll be able to top it. But something tells me that I’ll learn a few more things from whatever Frank chooses to share.

Thank you, Frank Ocean. We are just human beings spinning on blackness.

HOW FRANK OCEAN’S ‘CHANNEL ORANGE’ CHANGED MY LIFE

A friend posted this up on his Facebook this morning. Couldn't help thinking back around this time two years ago--I'd listen to Frank Ocean nonstop as well because I. just. understood. His music helped me everyday as I try to outgrow the loss of a first love.

I'll be listening to Frank Ocean all day today as we anticipate his new album. Also to remember that, sure, I'm only being honest when I say I still carry that sadness with me after years, but I've also learned to be open to other precious beautiful things--things that make that sadness fade, things that make me value the love--all the love--that I get to keep even for just a short moment.

I'll just end this by sharing with you one of the best Frank Ocean covers I've encountered (I even asked her to email me an .mp3 lol). My friend Sophia and I share deep deep adoration for Frank Ocean's music. She was also lucky enough to catch one of his shows that winter in 2013 (I think a week before I traveled to Boston and crashed with her, ugh). I wish I could sing as well as she does to show it.