that time k took me to that june 4th vigil

one of the more memorable dates i've ever gone to is one where i was invited last-minute. i told k i was flying in that sunday in the summer of 2017 for the last leg of my work stint in hong kong. we met in march. it's been three months since.

i was already checked in at my hotel in wan chai and just finished a dip at the pool when he texted to ask if i landed yet. he said there was a big thing happening in victoria park, the june 4th vigil. "im going alone, it'll just be sitting around in this awful humid heat."

"not sure if you'll be interested," he said. i asked, "that's today?" "yea, i forgot it was today..." he told me sheepishly. "it's actually just remembering June 4th Tiananmen (a city square in Beijing) Massacre. and people hold candles and listen to people sing and say things."

"sure, we can go," i told him. "it might be boring, i will try to translate as much as i can," he said, still unsure how i felt about it. "it's cool, i wanna go," i insisted. we agreed to meet at the wan chai station at six. "you're the best," he told me. "and bring an umbrella."

i remember getting an automated travel advisory from mobility team about this. it said low risk, but mentioned i might encounter traffic-related concerns when going around CWB. for a sec, i contemplated whether it was ok to attend a political observance while on a business trip.

i told him i didnt have an umbrella. he brought me an extra one. we took the tram and joined the growing crowd in causeway bay. we were handed candles as we passed by. we sat on the grass, a random spot in one of the football pitches.

i watched all the candle lights, the buildings surrounding us, the people on-stage speaking fervid cantonese. he translated their stories for me.

it's been two years since. that time may be one of the vigil's last years.

Photo: Sam Tsang

came across this meme

I can totally relate.

All but two can't appreciate a good lingerie. I mean, the amount of money I spend on Brazilians and pretty underwear--these shit you never not recognize! (Both happen to be Tauruses as well. Tauruses are so pure and easily fascinated. This is why I can never hate them.)

Dagitab

It’s not about letting go or moving on because they never really leave. They leave a void and you carry that void with you, always. It’s a matter of growing up; you just become a bigger person until that void doesn’t feel as big.

Familiar foreign bodies

“All love stories are frustration stories. As are all stories about parents and children, which are also love stories, in Freud's view, the formative love stories. To fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration that you didn't know you had (of one's formative frustrations, and of one's attempted self-cures for them); you wanted someone, you felt deprived of something, and then it seems to be there. And what is renewed in that experience is an intensity of frustration, and an intensity of satisfaction. It is as if, oddly, you were waiting for someone but you didn't know who they were until they arrived. Whether or not you were aware that there was something missing in your life, you will be when you meet the person you want. What psychoanalysis will add to this love story is that the person you fall in love with really is the man or woman of your dreams; that you have dreamed them up before you met them; not out of nothing - nothing comes of nothing - but out of prior experience, both real and wished for. You recognize them with such certainty because you already, in a certain sense, know them, and because you have quite literally been expecting them, you feel as though you have known them for ever, and yet, at the same time, they are quite foreign to you. They are familiar foreign bodies. But one things is very noticeable in this basic story; that however much you have been wanting and hoping and dreaming of meeting the person of your dreams, it is only when you meet them that you will start missing them. It seems the presence of an object is required to make its absence felt.” 

― Adam Phillips

I keep on finding good shit on Spotify that only make me think of you.

Hey.

I wanna say stop hijacking every nice thing that comes to me, but we both know with you I can't be greedy.

* * *

Actually, false matter.

I have been so so greedy.

* * *

Didn't I say I conceded to unfortunate timing?

* * *

I still don't know what to do with you.

But you havta stop taking all my good music.